I wanted to write some things that I enjoyed about General Conference, the impressions and feelings about things that penetrated my heart and filled my soul and spirit with joy, love, and hope. Our Prophet, Russell M Nelson, was the first speaker for the Saturday Session of General Conference and that was an amazing kick-off point for the things that were spoken of in the rest of the conference. He talked about how this would be a memorable and unforgettable conference, and that we will be blessed in many ways as we listen to the spirit testify of pure truths. For me it was definitely memorable and unforgettable.
First of all, I would like to start by backing up a little bit. We were instructed by our beloved Prophet to prepare for conference in which we would be having a bicentennial celebration of the 200th anniversary of the First Vision happening. He gave us suggestions for things we could do to prepare and also put out an email and video telling us to Hear Him. Just as Joseph Smith was told, by God the Father on that spring day, to Hear Him. Him meaning Christ. I have never had a desire in the past to prepare myself for a General Conference before, feeling instead that conference was there to help me prepare to face life and it's challenges. But I felt a strong desire now to be prepared, and wanted to act on that, knowing it would be for the good of my learning and instruction. And what a difference it made!
As I pondered this request I was impressed with the power and impact of such an invitation. Hear Him! Hear how Christ speaks to me through the spirit. Take some time, slow down, be calm, and listen to that still small voice about precious truths he testifies about. I was very excited about this because this particular subject and truth had been on my mind for several months. We had been going through a very trying and turbulent time and being able to hear the spirit speak to me and give me comfort was a necessity in my life. It still is. I also thought of loved ones that could benefit from understanding how the spirit speaks to them. I'd been praying for them, and wondering what I could do to help them, or be there for them so that when they are ready and the spirit constrains me to speak, I would be ready to be an instrument in the Lord's hands. I started by making a list of ways that I know the spirit speaks to me. Some he uses often, while others he only has used occasionally, or maybe even only once. I thought about times that I have received impressions and promptings by the spirit, and when he's revealed truths of the gospel to me. I remembered in my patriarchal blessing that it said I will have the Holy Ghost as my constant companion as I live the gospel to the best of my ability. I realized that the spirit has been a major part of my life and has helped me to take full advantage of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, find peace and healing, understand my personal role and purpose in the Lord's work, and confirm the truthfulness of gospel principals. While dwelling on this amazing gift I've been given, I started to read the account of the prophet Joseph Smith. I watched some video depictions of it as well with my boys and explained to them about the experience, why it was so important and amazing and how they can also pray to find their own answers. They can follow the example of Joseph Smith and they can also ask Heavenly Father to answer their questions and prayers. As I was pondering these things I was reading the 4 different things from the HearHim.org website that we can do to Hear Him. As I was thinking about it and trying to hear what the spirit needed to teach me, I thought of how he uses small and simple ways to communicate with us. Satan will try to get our attention with big flashy things, noise, and distraction. He does it boastfully, as our prophet said, and only for his own means. When God wants to communicate, he allows us the decision to listen. We can CHOOSE. We have agency and that's one thing He will NEVER take away from us. He won't give us huge signs. He is a loving Father, and isn't going to yell, because He doesn't work that way. We show our willingness to invite Him into our life, and show faith in Him by taking the time to Hear Him. He patiently waits until we have prepared ourselves to hear what He wants to tell us, and he will do so softly, in the still small voice of the spirit. If we choose to listen, we also acknowledge our willingness to hear his communications at the volume He wishes to communicate it.
I read through my patriarchal blessing to help me be in the right spirit to be able to willingly accept the spirit, at His volume and will, and went into conference with an open and willing heart. I have learned through different experiences in my life that I can trust God, and that He sees more than I can see. So it is best to put my will in alignment with His, and everything always works out in the end. I learn and grow from the trials and experiences, and they make me better. So, I've learned not to ask "why" anymore. I've learned to ask for strength, and be like Nephi and ask Him to give me what I need to do the thing that He commanded me. So for conference, I was ready to be inspired and told what I needed to do from the Lord. I was ready to be transformed.
President Nelson said that "If ye are prepared ye shall not fear". He talked about having food storage and necessities of life, and that was important. I have been a big believer and advocate of that. He talked about, however, making sure that our spiritual reserve is just as prepared and full to last us through trials and tribulations. And that if we were prepared spiritually, relying on Almighty God, then we would not fear. We would be able to weather the storm, and be able to see the things we are to learn from those trials. He said to stand in Holy places and BE NOT MOVED.
That struck a cord with me. A fundamental principle in the gospel is to be built upon a sure foundation. Many of the apostles and authorities talked about different aspects of this. I feel in the deepest recesses of my heart and soul that it is the single most important thing we need to learn as children and young adults, and be reminded of as adults as we navigate the waters of this life. Be not moved. We need a sure foundation, and how do we gain that? By HEARING HIM. We need to learn how the spirit talks to us. It is very individual, and the way one person feels the spirit will be different than any other person. If we can learn that, and figure out that part of ourselves, then we have a basis on which to utilize the spirit and the atonement in our lives to learn of the sacred truths the scriptures and prophets reveal. Truths that have been restored in these the latter-days. And by the power of the Holy Ghost, we may know the truth of ALL things. We build our foundation in this way, and put in our "cornerstones" if you will, as spoken of by Elder Gary E Stevenson.
Elder Stevenson challenged us to figure out what our "cornerstones" are. He said that the first 4 questions of the temple recommend interview questions are great places to start. I got to thinking about what my foundation is made of, and what each of my cornerstones would be. In contemplating this, I know that my testimony of the Atonement of Jesus Christ is the first and perhaps the most important cornerstone for me. I gained my testimony of the redeeming power and validity and truthfulness of the atonement when I was 16 years old. It still boggles my mind that at such a young age I was able to feel the spirit and have it baby-step me to that point that I prayed for myself, instead of just continuing to live off of my parents testimonies. It was no coincidence. It was no random act. Things happened, and I made decisions. And because my parents taught me that I could get my own answers, I decided to put that to the test. And because of my spiritual gifts given to me I was able to be in tune and attain that testimony for myself. It's still a very special and sacred event that happened in my life, and has helped me become the person I am today. That experience taught me about faith. Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and His gift of the Atonement. Faith in myself, that I can know for myself and that age and life experience aren't requisites to be able to draw on the power of the spirit and Jesus Christ. It taught me that I owe so much to my Savior, and that I love Him SO much for what He did for me. It's a personal thing, and something I know I am incapable of doing for myself. So I want to honor that sacrifice and live my life to give thanks for all He did for me. I have been able to really apply the principles of the Atonement in my life. To get me through trials, to help me to be forgiven when I sin. To help me to make restitution and to forgive. It is a great comfort that because of the Atonement, the Lord knows how I feel, always. He understands sorrow, anger, depression, happiness, desperation, sadness, guilt, betrayal. All the things we feel as human beings He knows. And that is the greatest gift of all. Feeling like someone understands, and won't judge no matter what.
My 2nd cornerstone is of the validity and truthfulness of the Restoration of the Church of Jesus Christ in this dispensation. I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet and he was directed and inspired to bring about the translation of the Book of Mormon and to restore the priesthood, the power of God, on earth. I was able to come by this testimony before leaving to serve a full time mission at the age of 21. I wanted to have that solidified before I left knowing that it was a HUGE part of what I'd be teaching those searching for the truth. And without the restoration, we wouldn't have anything to teach. We wouldn't have the fulness of the gospel to share to gather the lost tribes of Israel and fulfill prophecy. Without my testimony of the Book of Mormon and the amazing stories and doctrine that is written there I wouldn't know my Savior in the same way. I would probably still be searching for more. I have pioneer heritage, and I am grateful every day for the one person who decided to join the church back in those days. For believing in the restoration and for giving me the opportunity to be able to be born in a family that could teach me about Heavenly Father's plan from infancy. What a great blessing it is to know that the heavens are opened and that we have the fulness of the gospel. I don't know where I'd be without it.
My 3rd cornerstone is knowing the blessings of the temple, and especially that of eternal families. I met the love of my life in my senior year of high school, and I was guided and prompted by the spirit to pursue the relationship, even through immense hardship, disapproving family, and barriers put in our path. I was young, but I knew that being married for time and all ETERNITY was important to me. I was able to hear the still small voice help me in making this decision and helping me know that it was very much the right one. And through 3 years of being apart and having some amazingly hard trials, I know I got through it because I had prayed about it, and I knew with all my heart and soul that it was the right choice. The spirit confirmed it for me. Knowing that I am now married and sealed by the power of God in the temple is such a comfort to me. Knowing that the children I fought so hard to bring into this world have the protection of that sealing is also a great blessing and comfort to me. I teach my children of what temple marriage and sealing means to me, and how it felt, and the trials we endured to get there. It wasn't easy AT ALL!!! Nothing I've gone through has been easy or come without cost. But because I know how to hear the spirit, and I let it guide me and keep me company I know that I've come through those trials in far better shape than if I'd tried to do them alone. The cost of going through those things was SO worth it. I would do it all again because I know that those trials were there to strengthen me, and to strengthen us, and I wouldn't be who I am without them.
My 4th and final cornerstone that grounds me is Personal Revelation, and knowing there is a prophet today to receive revelation to guide the Lord's church. Because I can receive personal revelation I can get my own answers. I don't have to take anyone's word for it but the Lord's. Because of personal revelation, I know God's plan for me. Not just the plan He has for all His children, but His specific plan for Priscilla. And I will tell you that understanding that was a VERY long road and had lots of trials and cost. Again, it wasn't easy. But I wouldn't trade that knowledge for anything. How I need to grow, what I need to work on to become more like Him and gain exaltation in the life to come, these are all things I can know and have help accomplishing because of personal revelation. And because I have sought personal revelation, sometimes the Lord has answered me in the revelations He has given the prophet. Like the Come Follow Me program was a HUGE answer to a prayer I'd been asking for several months. There have been revelations and doctrine of the church that I have heard from the prophet and I didn't believe what he said right away. Sometimes I don't understand why certain doctrines or practices are made. I know that I can receive my own answer about it. Just like Nephi when he heard Lehi's vision of the tree of life, he went to the Lord and asked for verification. I have gone to the Lord in humble and earnest prayer to ask Him, why? Could He help me better understand? And indeed He did. I hardly ever get answers right away, and sometimes the answer is to figure it out for myself, because the Lord DOES want us to be able to "govern ourselves" and learn to make our own decisions as well. My mother always taught me that "It is not meet that I should command in all things; for he that is compelled in all things, the same is a slothful and not a wise servant; wherefore he receiveth no reward". (D&C 58:26). In speaking with a friend we also talked about how we don't need to know every single thing from the Lord. He's given us the tools we need in order to do it for ourselves. He's given us spiritual gifts and talents to help us in our endeavors. He's given us the capacity to learn the things we might need to fulfill the work as well. He's given us the people around us as well, because we don't have to do anything alone. And this is a skill necessary to become more like God, because He Himself shows us His apptitude for it everyday, in many ways. Being Father to trillions and trillions of children in different places in the gospel and life and helping them is a big task. I'm sure knowing how to help them came from learning how to help oneself be prepared, and some of that is personal study and improvement. So, if God did it, surely we must need that skill as well. I feel that President Eyring was right when he talked about the Lord seeing far into the future, and plans things step by step. He guides His work by giving revelation step by step, line upon line. Here a little there a little. And I know that He has done the same for me and my life. And I'm glad that I have made some good choices in there because it is helping me during this time of strive and upheaval in the world.
These cornerstones are what have made me, what ground me, and what have shaped the person I am and the home I am making for my family and all who enter. I build up from those cornerstones and have received a testimony of so many other things in the gospel. But for me, these are the things that secure my foundation. I feel strong in the Lord, and what He has planned for me and the world. Will it be easy? Of course not. Will it be worth it. Yes, it will be more than worth it. I was given many other impressions and ideas through conference that I want to write about. Things to help me to improve myself and be a better wife, mother, and disciple of Christ. I have learned, sometimes through hard lessons, to let go of what others think of me and my decisions. I have learned to rely more on God and less on man. I have learned that when I do that, even if there are hard things to get there, that the end result will be more than I could have ever imagined. God's is the only opinion that matters, and though it's still sometimes hard to not be bothered by what others say I feel He is helping me progress and feel good. I want to be like Lehi, at the tree of life, beckoning his family and friends to come and receive. I don't want to be the person in the mist, lost and confused. I don't want to be in the tall and spacious building. I want to keep my focus on the Lord, and reach out to help while holding firmly to the Iron Rod.
Now, this is just my experience. Everyone has a different experience and different things that are hard for them and different gifts as well. So this is just a personal experience I am sharing and in no way am saying that everyone needs to do this, or be this, or anything of the kind. Everyone needs to do what they feel is best for them and their situation, and I'm here to help you if you need or want it. For those of you out there who are struggling at this time, I am here. I am here to listen. I am here to help in whatever way is best for YOU. If you need something, I'll get it. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here. If you need to vent how horrible the struggle is and you just can't take it anymore, I'm here. If you want to talk about the gospel, I'm here. If you have questions, or concerns, or are wanting to figure out a way back to believing, I'm here. There are no judgements. Everyone deserves to feel unconditional love and acceptance, and that's what I'm here to provide to whoever needs it. I have faith, and I have immense hope. As Elder Holland said, "if we lose hope, we lose our last sustaining possession". I'm here to help anyone who needs it to keep hold of their hope. We WILL get through this, and the Lord will conquer all. Let's help each other and feel of the Savior's incredible gift, together.
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