I am the girl with a plan. I like having a plan for where I'm going, what I'm doing, and what I'm trying to accomplish. I use lists and devices to help me keep track of the smaller goals that get me to the bigger goals. Otherwise I'd forget what I'm trying to accomplish. I know that things don't always go according to plan, but having a plan is important. Heavenly Father has a plan. He has a plan of Salvation, a plan of happiness. He's given us small goals in order to achieve the big goal. So this has given me my foundation for why goals and plans are important in our lives. They aren't stupid or worth throwing out the window.
Every year about this time I start thinking about my New Years goals. I think about the 5 year plan that I have. I ask myself if I am on the right track, or if things are going awry. Sometimes I think to myself that things need to be different, that the plan isn't quite right. Maybe there needs to be something else going on but I'm not always the one to consider in making those changes. Sometimes it has to be up to someone else, so I have to go with some kind of plan until things change, until something happens that would move us towards what I've been feeling. Heavenly Father is teaching me longsuffering. He's teaching me patience and that I need to try to be in the same place as my family needs me to be. They won't always listen to what I say. Sometimes they may listen, but they aren't ready to make a change. It is scary to do something so completely different that it could change your whole world. It could change the whole structure of your life. However, if we are ever to grow and make our dreams come true, sometimes you have to be willing to jump.
Heavenly Father has given us no other option than to jump.
This year we decided, since Michael was turning 5, that we would plan our Disneyland trip. We always talked about taking a Disneyland trip once Michael turned 5 since he would be old enough to retain memories of it and it would be the perfect age to still be magical. Our good friends booked the vacation with us and we were so excited! Everything was booked a year in advance, and we were able to find the money to be able to pay it off in advance, then we would only need to get the money to actually be there. You know, food, gas, etc. Our other friends that live in Oregon also wanted to see us, and since it was our 10th wedding anniversary, we ended up going up there for a week as well. So, we took 2 trips this year, and had enough to be able to do that and have a great time. Everything seemed to be coming up roses for the Hemby family. I wasn't at work as much, so we had more quality time together as a family, and Matthew and I as a couple as well. I felt we were moving forward. . . at least as well as we could be.
I had been having feelings that something wasn't quite right. That something needed to change. When I talked to Matthew about it we had decided that we would work towards those changes. Then nothing would happen. The biggest change we wanted to work towards was getting Matthew back into school so he could finish his degree. He wanted to change his major, or possibly double major and get his bachelors at least out of the way. I was VERY excited for this to move forward, but Matthew seemed to hesitate. He wasn't really "anxiously engaged" to move forward with it. I think he might have been scared because it is scary to try to go to school, and work, and have the home and family life as well. It would be really difficult and relationships could get strained from so much time apart. Plus working full time and then going to school to try and finish could get really difficult. That was one of the problems we had before in getting him through his degree. Once again, I felt like we were moving forward, but that it wasn't going quickly enough. I felt like maybe it should have been sooner, that we needed to be doing it soon. Matthew wasn't really feeling it though, and since it was his thing I left it alone.
We went up to see family for Thanksgiving. We left our kids to spend a couple of days there with Grandma Gwen and Matthew and I were coming home to Provo. We stopped off somewhere to get a little food for the ride and when we did that, the rear axle of our van broke in half! I was devastated! I couldn't believe this was happening, and right before we were supposed to be taking this trip and everything. I felt sick inside, and so Matthew and I said a little prayer, called our families and tried to figure out the next step. Through what I'm sure what divine intervention we were able to find a vehicle and were able to just BARELY afford to get it. It was in just the right price range, a little newer, and was more reliable. The van we took to the dealership because it was a part that was supposed to have been fixed because of a recall on that part. However, we didn't really know if they would fix it, because even though we had taken it to 2 different dealerships, they said we had never done that. So, we needed something in the meantime. Geoffrey, my brother, came to our rescue and offered us his van. So, we made an agreement to buy the van from him, plus the new Mazda CX7 we just had to buy. Everything inside me said that something was trying to keep us from going on vacation. Were we really going to be able to afford food and gas? Plus the Christmas presents we had intended on buying for the boys? It was all in the Lord's hands at this point, but I felt that we needed to press onward. So Matthew and I did what we could and are pressing onward.
The day before our Disneyland vacation came and I finally felt like I had things where I wanted them. The car was packed, the house was clean, the boys were getting along, and I was able to sit down and work on some last minute Christmas orders I needed to get done. I was only 2 stitches in when my phone rang. It was Matthew! I thought maybe he was able to get off of work early, which would help me because then we could get dinner going and make sure all the last minute things were taken care of. However, that wasn't what happened at all.
Matthew told me he was coming home because he doesn't have a job anymore. He was laid off of work! I was dazed, and was hoping that he was joking. For the last 7 years Matthew has had this job it was my worst nightmare coming true. Our primary provider didn't have a job. No job means no money. No money means we can't pay the bills. If we can't pay the bills we'd lose our house and everything we have. I couldn't believe this was happening, and Matthew was falling to pieces, so I couldn't fall to pieces. I needed to be there for him to lean on and help him come to terms with this new change in our lives. We talked about a lot of things, and we decided we better tell our parents, just in case something happened we would have some moral support at least. I had to tell our friends we were going on vacation with, since I didn't know if Matthew would want to cancel or not. However, since the vacation was already paid for, and we had MOST of what we needed in the bank for the rest we decided not to make it a sad thing, and just go on vacation. We wouldn't need to worry about being back at a decent time or anything because Matthew wouldn't need to work when we got back home. We just decided to enjoy and make memories with our boys and enjoy the holiday season.
The strangest thing happened to me though. The more I thought about it, the less hopeless it seemed. I still had a job! And I could apply to be full time instead of just EOM and we would at least be able to keep the house. Now Matthew was free to fulfill his life-long dreams. Beginning with getting his degree finished. So, after talking with him and praying with him that night, we felt it was right to go back to school, and that I would work full time to support everything I could in the household, and then also to be able to use his severance to get some of our debt paid off so we wouldn't have all of that in the way as well. In spite of being scared at first, the spirit stepped in and took care of me. Because I had been trying harder to align my life so that he may be in it more I feel so blessed. We have had so many blessings this year, and I believe that this is a blessing as well. It was the push Matthew needed to be able to do what he truly WANTS to do, not just something to get us by. I know that the Lord is guiding us right now to what He thinks we are capable of accomplishing, and I am so excited to see the end result.
We decided it would be best that Matthew not work if possible. Or if he did, it would only be a part time thing to help out without getting into trouble trying to keep his grades up. He really wants to be a professional Game Master, or Dungeon Master. He is working on writing a book right now of his own rule set to go with HIS world, Dryat. He also is DM'ing a few games a week, to make a little extra money and also will be doing a streaming thing, hopefully that will start to make a little money after enough time. But the dream, the ultimate goal, is to make Dryat a reality.
Matthew and I, along with our friends the Reagans, were thinking about owning a tavern. Matthew would be the Game Master (GM) and Jeremiah would be the cook in the kitchen. There wouldn't be any alcohol in the tavern since we want it family friendly, so we would have soda on tap and do mixed drinks with syrups instead. I would make the baked goods that come out of the kitchen and we would also have a little B&B set up inside as well, for those who want to vacation there or stay a while to play through a campaign. We would hopefully get to the point we could own several acres of land so we could build Dryat on it, and then take people adventuring and make it more real. LARP'ing is what it's called. Live Action Role Playing. Matthew wants to be able to help troubled children, help businesses to bond, and to help people come and escape to a fantastic land of imagination and lore. A place where they can learn things about life even though it's just a game. He wants to be able to study psychology and use the degree to be able to help people, but in an unconventional way that people may not even realize is possible. I feel this is what he was born to do. I know that he is the way he is for a reason, and that reason will help so many people if we can make this happen.
So, change can be hard and scary, and most people just up and give up or let it swallow them up. I choose to turn to the Lord, and follow what He sees for our future. I see that it will be amazing, and we will be so much happier for it all once we are done with the hard part of getting the schooling done. I'm not asking "Why me?" I'm saying, "Thank you Heavenly Father, and what do you need me to learn from this?"
