Changes, Life Trials, and Moxy in Tribulation

     I am the girl with a plan.  I like having a plan for where I'm going, what I'm doing, and what I'm trying to accomplish.  I use lists and devices to help me keep track of the smaller goals that get me to the bigger goals.  Otherwise I'd forget what I'm trying to accomplish. I know that things don't always go according to plan, but having a plan is important.  Heavenly Father has a plan.  He has a plan of Salvation, a plan of happiness.  He's given us small goals in order to achieve the big goal.  So this has given me my foundation for why goals and plans are important in our lives.  They aren't stupid or worth throwing out the window. 
    Every year about this time I start thinking about my New Years goals.  I think about the 5 year plan that I have.  I ask myself if I am on the right track, or if things are going awry.  Sometimes I think to myself that things need to be different, that the plan isn't quite right.  Maybe there needs to be something else going on but I'm not always the one to consider in making those changes.  Sometimes it has to be up to someone else, so I have to go with some kind of plan until things change, until something happens that would move us towards what I've been feeling.  Heavenly Father is teaching me longsuffering.  He's teaching me patience and that I need to try to be in the same place as my family needs me to be.  They won't always listen to what I say.  Sometimes they may listen, but they aren't ready to make a change.  It is scary to do something so completely different that it could change your whole world.  It could change the whole structure of your life.  However, if we are ever to grow and make our dreams come true, sometimes you have to be willing to jump.
         
     Heavenly Father has given us no other option than to jump.

     This year we decided, since Michael was turning 5, that we would plan our Disneyland trip. We always talked about taking a Disneyland trip once Michael turned 5 since he would be old enough to retain memories of it and it would be the perfect age to still be magical. Our good friends booked the vacation with us and we were so excited!  Everything was booked a year in advance, and we were able to find the money to be able to pay it off in advance, then we would only need to get the money to actually be there.  You know, food, gas, etc.  Our other friends that live in Oregon also wanted to see us, and since it was our 10th wedding anniversary, we ended up going up there for a week as well.  So, we took 2 trips this year, and had enough to be able to do that and have a great time.  Everything seemed to be coming up roses for the Hemby family.  I wasn't at work as much, so we had more quality time together as a family, and Matthew and I as a couple as well.  I felt we were moving forward. . . at least as well as we could be. 
     I had been having feelings that something wasn't quite right.  That something needed to change.  When I talked to Matthew about it we had decided that we would work towards those changes. Then nothing would happen.  The biggest change we wanted to work towards was getting Matthew back into school so he could finish his degree.  He wanted to change his major, or possibly double major and get his bachelors at least out of the way.  I was VERY excited for this to move forward, but Matthew seemed to hesitate.  He wasn't really "anxiously engaged" to move forward with it.  I think he might have been scared because it is scary to try to go to school, and work, and have the home and family life as well.  It would be really difficult and relationships could get strained from so much time apart.  Plus working full time and then going to school to try and finish could get really difficult.  That was one of the problems we had before in getting him through his degree.  Once again, I felt like we were moving forward, but that it wasn't going quickly enough.  I felt like maybe it should have been sooner, that we needed to be doing it soon.  Matthew wasn't really feeling it though, and since it was his thing I left it alone. 
     We went up to see family for Thanksgiving.  We left our kids to spend a couple of days there with Grandma Gwen and Matthew and I were coming home to Provo.  We stopped off somewhere to get a little food for the ride and when we did that, the rear axle of our van broke in half!  I was devastated!  I couldn't believe this was happening, and right before we were supposed to be taking this trip and everything.  I felt sick inside, and so Matthew and I said a little prayer, called our families and tried to figure out the next step.  Through what I'm sure what divine intervention we were able to find a vehicle and were able to just BARELY afford to get it.  It was in just the right price range, a little newer, and was more reliable.  The van we took to the dealership because it was a part that was supposed to have been fixed because of a recall on that part.  However, we didn't really know if they would fix it, because even though we had taken it to 2 different dealerships, they said we had never done that.  So, we needed something in the meantime.  Geoffrey, my brother, came to our rescue and offered us his van.  So, we made an agreement to buy the van from him, plus the new Mazda CX7 we just had to buy. Everything inside me said that something was trying to keep us from going on vacation. Were we really going to be able to afford food and gas?  Plus the Christmas presents we had intended on buying for the boys?  It was all in the Lord's hands at this point, but I felt that we needed to press onward.  So Matthew and I did what we could and are pressing onward. 
     The day before our Disneyland vacation came and I finally felt like I had things where I wanted them.  The car was packed, the house was clean, the boys were getting along, and I was able to sit down and work on some last minute Christmas orders I needed to get done.  I was only 2 stitches in when my phone rang.  It was Matthew!  I thought maybe he was able to get off of work early, which would help me because then we could get dinner going and make sure all the last minute things were taken care of.  However, that wasn't what happened at all.
     Matthew told me he was coming home because he doesn't have a job anymore.  He was laid off of work!  I was dazed, and was hoping that he was joking.  For the last 7 years Matthew has had this job it was my worst nightmare coming true.  Our primary provider didn't have a job. No job means no money.  No money means we can't pay the bills.  If we can't pay the bills we'd lose our house and everything we have.  I couldn't believe this was happening, and Matthew was falling to pieces, so I couldn't fall to pieces.  I needed to be there for him to lean on and help him come to terms with this new change in our lives.  We talked about a lot of things, and we decided we better tell our parents, just in case something happened we would have some moral support at least.  I had to tell our friends we were going on vacation with, since I didn't know if Matthew would want to cancel or not.  However, since the vacation was already paid for, and we had MOST of what we needed in the bank for the rest we decided not to make it a sad thing, and just go on vacation.  We wouldn't need to worry about being back at a decent time or anything because Matthew wouldn't need to work when we got back home.  We just decided to enjoy and make memories with our boys and enjoy the holiday season. 
     The strangest thing happened to me though.  The more I thought about it, the less hopeless it seemed.  I still had a job!  And I could apply to be full time instead of just EOM and we would at least be able to keep the house.  Now Matthew was free to fulfill his life-long dreams.  Beginning with getting his degree finished.  So, after talking with him and praying with him that night, we felt it was right to go back to school, and that I would work full time to support everything I could in the household, and then also to be able to use his severance to get some of our debt paid off so we wouldn't have all of that in the way as well.  In spite of being scared at first, the spirit stepped in and took care of me.  Because I had been trying harder to align my life so that he may be in it more I feel so blessed.  We have had so many blessings this year, and I believe that this is a blessing as well.  It was the push Matthew needed to be able to do what he truly WANTS to do, not just something to get us by.   I know that the Lord is guiding us right now to what He thinks we are capable of accomplishing, and I am so excited to see the end result. 
     We decided it would be best that Matthew not work if possible.  Or if he did, it would only be a part time thing to help out without getting into trouble trying to keep his grades up.  He really wants to be a professional Game Master, or Dungeon Master.  He is working on writing a book right now of his own rule set to go with HIS world, Dryat.  He also is DM'ing a few games a week, to make a little extra money and also will be doing a streaming thing, hopefully that will start to make a little money after enough time. But the dream, the ultimate goal, is to make Dryat a reality.

     Matthew and I, along with our friends the Reagans, were thinking about owning a tavern.  Matthew would be the Game Master (GM) and Jeremiah would be the cook in the kitchen.  There wouldn't be any alcohol in the tavern since we want it family friendly, so we would have soda on tap and do mixed drinks with syrups instead.  I would make the baked goods that come out of the kitchen and we would also have a little B&B set up inside as well, for those who want to vacation there or stay a while to play through a campaign.  We would hopefully get to the point we could own several acres of land so we could build Dryat on it, and then take people adventuring and make it more real.  LARP'ing is what it's called.  Live Action Role Playing.  Matthew wants to be able to help troubled children, help businesses to bond, and to help people come and escape to a fantastic land of imagination and lore.  A place where they can learn things about life even though it's just a game.  He wants to be able to study psychology and use the degree to be able to help people, but in an unconventional way that people may not even realize is possible.  I feel this is what he was born to do.  I know that he is the way he is for a reason, and that reason will help so many people if we can make this happen. 
   
     So, change can be hard and scary, and most people just up and give up or let it swallow them up.  I choose to turn to the Lord, and follow what He sees for our future.  I see that it will be amazing, and we will be so much happier for it all once we are done with the hard part of getting the schooling done.  I'm not asking "Why me?"  I'm saying, "Thank you Heavenly Father, and what do you need me to learn from this?" 

Who I am, and My Life's Purpose

This is an entry I wrote for my journal, and I had a little nudging from the spirit to put it here as well. So, here it is.                  

                 I am writing this today to explain a little bit more my feelings about my purpose on this earth, the things that have been happening lately and the challenges I've faced.  I have definitely wanted to write about this sooner, but I think it took me this long to just get things sorted through in my mind so I could actually do that.  So, here are the things that I feel are important to put in here about my life and the things I've learned and how I've changed because of it.

                The gospel has taught me many things in my life.  It has taught me that there is a purpose for why we are here on this earth.  That purpose is to learn and grow to become more like God  and in-so doing that we will be able to live with God again, with our families, in the next life.  I firmly believe that there is a next life and I can't wait to be able to see what that will be like.   There are many things that help us become more like Heavenly Father.  That is exactly why we have trials in this life. If we didn't have opposition, then we wouldn't really understand some things.  Things that we need to learn and understand down into the very core of our being.  Sometimes, even though we don't see it all, there are terrible things that happen to us.  Sometimes it's our fault and sometimes it's not; And sometimes when we ask Heavenly Father about it, why it is happening to us, I am doing everything you ask, so why?  I have learned something so simple and yet so incredible that it is hard to wrap my head around sometimes in a fullness of understanding.  We are supposed to live by faith.  What WE think is the best thing for us may not be, because we don't see the WHOLE picture.  That doesn't mean that God doesn't love us or is punishing us for something.  That means that when he asks us something, or when we are going through something and we aren't getting the answer we want, or the healing, or whatever it is that we may be asking for, it is because He sees all.  He sees the present need and what is to happen in the future.   There may be reasons for us to go through those things.   The future is something that God CAN see, and we CANNOT.  Therefore, when He asks something of us, even if it doesn't make sense or it is a hard trial to go through, there is a lot going into Heavenly Father telling us to do it.  Maybe we are meant to learn from that and then be able to help others through it.  Maybe it is because we are needed somewhere in the future for the greater good but we can't see that now, and God can, hence He tells us to just do as He asks, through the guidance of the holy spirit.  That is truly what faith is all about.  Not just believing in God, but doing what He asks, most especially when we don't understand.  We are showing Him our true devotion, and our true trust in Him when we follow Him.  We don't always know what's right.  We have the spirit to help us as a gift from Heavenly Father so He can more accurately tell us what He needs for us to do.  He's even ok if we question it, and we ask Him why.  He may not always tell us the reason why, or even the full explanation, but He will help us to be able to do or understand, because He never tells us to do something without making a way for us to accomplish that thing.  And He usually uses the spirit to help guide us to what we need.   I've finally grasped onto this concept more fully and have been trying to implement it into my life. 

                In trying to implement that into my life I have tried very hard over the last few months to be active again in the church.  I've never fallen away as far as my beliefs go.  I have a firm testimony of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, and that the fullness of the gospel was restored in this, the latter days.  I know that I am a daughter of God and He loves me and has a great plan for me.  I just haven't been good at actually getting up to go to church.  I have realized that in doing that it has affected me more that I could possibly know, especially now that I am wanting to find what MY purpose is; I'm trying to find what the Lord has in store for me as my work on this earth.   Now that I am becoming active again, and that I have a calling as a primary teacher over the 10 year olds, I am seeing that the most basic things are the things that I seem to have forgotten and haven't been implementing in my life.   I remember being a missionary and thinking that I was sent to this specific place because there is at least 1 person here whom only I can reach, and if I'm not doing everything in my power to be the best and be an example and be a good missioanry and person, then I won't find them and I'll have failed.  That is something that, at judgement day, I would need to face the Lord with.   It is the same thing with myself.  I WAS a missionary, and a stawart member of the church who believes the gospel with all of her heart, but I wasn't getting all the blessings promised if we but live it every day.   If I am to learn of the Lord's will for me in this life, and how to be the daughter He is needing me to be and reach my full potential, then I needed to be reminded of those things.  I think having a calling that has me  teaching the most basic principles of the gospel has helped me increase in faith and the desire to do what the Lord asks of me.  I have seen the great difference in my life.  I am reading the scriptures almost daily, and praying more often.  It is really helping me to see the improvements I need to make and also how to be a better person all around.  A better wife, mom, sister, in-law, ward member, aunt, friend.  I needed to be reminded of those things to help me figure out what my life's purpose is here, aside from the one that everyone has.

                I have a firm belief that everyone here has a singular purpose on this earth.  A work that only THAT PERSON can do.  Like how I felt on the mission, that there were certain people there waiting for my specifically, I feel that each person has a special calling, a special mission if you will, to accomplish I n this life. Now I understand how that can sound strange to most people.  We DO all have a mission here.  To become more life Heavenly Father and live accordingly, learning what we need to, and then to be able to live with Him again.  However if I learned anything growing up it is that everyone has unique and special abilities that are naturally theirs.  And they were given those gifts, and were maybe born at this time, in this age, because the world and the people around them in it would need that special ability.  My mother is a great example to me of that.  She is ALWAYS serving someone.  She has been that way since I can remember.  My mom is a very hard worker, and she is always volunteering to help people, to be there for them.  Whether it's to mow their lawn, to shovel snow, to make them a dessert they need for some event, or to clean their house because their health isn't good.  Even when she is sick and not feeling great, even when she has given all she has and it doesn't seem like she should be able to go another step, she keeps on stepping, keeps on giving, and Heavenly Father has given the world, through my Mom, one of the greatest examples of service I've ever had the opportunity to witness.  She usually likes to do it silently, without people really knowing.  If she can do something to help someone that makes her feel good.  And maybe she is like that because that is the way she feels loved as well.  It's an amazing gift and it is very useful in this day and age where everyone mostly just thinks about themselves.  In an age where mental illness and terrible health issues exist.  She is able to be there to help them with those types of things and ease their burdens, even if just a little bit.  I know of a surety that there is something, like that, with my particular talents and abilities, that Heavenly Father needs me to do.  It is the thing that will consecrate me, the thing that will help teach me the things that I need to know in order to make it to the Celestial kingdom, and to live with Heavenly Father and my family forever.  In figuring this out I will be able to have a vision, to have a path and goals.  I won't feel so lost anymore.  I have felt so lost, not knowing what it is I am supposed to really be doing.  There are LOTS of great causes I could join and help and there is always work to be done.  I can see that.   But I need to find myself, find who I REALLY am and am supposed to be for the  Lord.  Not what I think I should be, or what the world sees and thinks I should be.  Heavenly Father will make me so much more than I ever could alone.  So, in wanting this I've gotten more active about going to church.  I take good time to prepare my lessons.  I feel as if I have made a huge leap forward in learning something that sometimes take us a lifetime to fully understand and know that we should be doing.  I am becoming more what I envision for myself, a vision that Heavenly Father has shown me.  Today I made the greatest leap of all.  I have found my purpose. 

                I decided to read through my patriarchal blessing and to highlight the blessings and the admonitions in it, so I know what I need to be doing to have the spirit with me more and receive the blessings promised.  Not only the blessings in my patriarchal blessing but the ones the Lord promises for us when we keep his commandments.  After finishing reading it I felt a peace, a warmth, and I heard the words in my mind very clearly.  "You are to bring my lost children back to the fold".  I am told some things in my blessing that are pretty clear in this regard.  As I read back over it, sorting out all the feelings and information in my mind about what the spirit had just taught me, I realized that everything in my blessing is helping me toward that very end.  Everything I am admonished to do, all the blessings that I will gain, the special gifts and abilities that the Lord blessed me with on this earth are to bring to pass that one thing.  I will be able to learn how to become more like Heavenly Father and attain the purpose for me being on this earth by helping those who have lost the way.  In order to do that I need to be an example, I need to be constantly asking the Lord for His help and guidance.  My mother used to always tell me that scripture in D&C 58: 26-29.  I needed to learn to not always be told what needed to be done.  I should be able to use my eyes to see what needed to be done.  That has actually served me well in my life.  Whether it be in keeping a clean house or in trying to help others with what they need.  But now I understand a little more of it than before.  The end of that scripture reads, "But he that doeth not anything until he is commanded, and receiveth a commandment with doubtful heart, and keepeth it with slothfulness, the same is damned."  I always wanted someone to help me, to tell me what to do, especially in life choices or things that just seemed too hard to figure out on my own.  I always thought that other people could see more clearly than I could so it would be best to find advice and take the best of the advice I got.  However, I was being slothful.  Sometimes I doubted what it was I was supposed to do, and sometimes I just was plain terrified of doing it.  I'm not very good with words and I didn't want to make the problems with family and friends in my life worse than what they already are.  So, I was damned, or stopped.  My progression stopped because I stopped, I didn't do, and if I had questions I should have asked Heavenly Father and tried to keep the spirit in my life to get the answers from Him.  I wasn't bad.  I'm not a bad person.  But I wasn't living up to everything I knew I should have been doing.  Now that I know, and I have gained the knowledge of this through personal experience I will strive everyday to be able to fulfill this.  Life is hard.  Of that there is no doubt.  I let the weight of all I was going through and feeling at a certain point in my life get to me.  I let it pull me down, and I conviced myself that rather than try harder, I wasn't worth it.  I wasn't worthy of God's love, or anyone's love.   And I thought that God didn't love me, and I had convinced myself that because I was a horrible person and I didn't deserve to be loved by anyone or anything that I should just give up on certain things.  How wrong I was!  That's when I should have held more fast to the iron rod.  I should have tried to lift myself up out of the pit.  In retrospect, I needed to go through all of that.  I needed to have those experiences to change me, to make me more malleable in the Lord's hands.  I maybe needed to feel all those things so that I can now accomplish the thing that the Lord has put in my hands, to bring the lost back to the fold.  I will understand what they have been through, and the thoughts and feelings associated with it.  I will be able to testify of the redeeming power of the atonement and how it can change and heal even the most damaged person.     

                I would like to testify that Heavenly Father loves me.  He loves us all so much and no matter what we've done, or what life throws at us or even how we react, He will always be there when we are ready to come to Him.  I am more humble, more meek, and more ready to do His will.  I have more confidence in my abilities.  I realize that I don't need to be perfect in order to keep on working and trying to do the Lord's work.  I don't need to be perfect to realize I have value, and that I DO have talents and things I'm good at.  I don't have to be a supermodel in order to feel beautiful.  I am who I am, and as long as I have the Lord on my side and the spirit to guide me, I am enough.  Everything I am, everything I will ever be will be enough, because the Lord will ALWAYS help me to accomplish the thing which He has commanded, and ultimately that is to return to live with Him in the Celestial kingdom.  I have now found my way to become perfected in Him.  I will try my very best to bring the lost back into the fold.   What will yours be? 

February 2018: Month of Love. . . and Illness

          There's nothing like February!  First little spots of spring start to rise up giving us hope that the cold will leave soon.  The cute little groundhog talks to us and we heed what it says (kinda silly, right?).  Plus Valentines day!  The day we celebrate how much we love each other.  Well, the Hemby's had a rough February when it comes to being sick.  I think a lot of us did, and it was NO FUN AT ALL!!!!!  My boys all got sick the Monday before Valentines Day, and Matthew as well.  The 2 boys threw up once and were fine.  Matthew threw up several times that day and was not doing well at all.  I managed to skip the illness that day and clean and sanitize the whole house.  In case I DID have to vomit I like to do it in a clean and sanitized toilet.  I did feel a little nauseated that day, but managed to keep a little something in my stomach to keep that at bay and it was alright.  The boys still wanted to go to Grandma Gwen's for Valentines like we had planned, so I took them up there on Tuesday, Feb 13.  I was feeling a little bit queasy, but was alright and I drove them up there.  Was also able to take care of a few things for our van while I was up there and see family.  It was a fun time.  I got to see some of my nieces and play while their mom helped to replace the spark plug wires on Baby, our mini-van.  I made it home that night to go to an interview with one of the bishopric and they extended a calling to work with the 10 year olds.  So, I will be doing that now.  Hopefully it will help me to be better at the church stuff and actually preparing a lesson!  That should help with FHE's at our house. 
          Valentines day was HORRIBLE!  Matthew had to work, but I was off and we were going to celebrate at home doing date night and something fun.  However, we didn't get to do that because I was sick all day.  I never did vomit, but I was so sick I was crying.  I was just so emotional, and it probably didn't help that girl problems hit me at the same time.  It was a giant mess. Matthew was so wonderful though and ran a bath for me and helped take care of me so I wasn't so horribly miserable.  It took a few days to get better, but I did.  Then we all got sick again with colds, and Matthew and I had other issues, and it has been just a barrel of laughs at the Hemby house.  Fortunately the boys haven't had it so badly.  And we've had a lot of family time together, so that's great as well.
          We also found out that we got a bonus at work!  It was so nice to have that since it helped us to pay off some things and do and get some other fun things as well.  The Tax return we got was pretty decent, and we paid off things that are finally off our chests and we can work towards the rest of the debt.  One of the things that I got was a new set of PrismaColor pencils and a few new coloring books as well.  I'm really excited to try them out and to have something that I am working at and developing and also to keep me sane during the times that are hard.  Raising 2 very active and smart boys is taxing sometimes. :) So, I've been experimenting with different ways to color things.  I have a Nu Skin Coloring book Matthew got me a while back from work and I have tried some different things.  That way when I start coloring in a book I care about it will look stellar, hopefully.  All part of the developing part of life right now.  It's been really fun to do this, and to see how the colors come together.  Focusing on what I'm doing, the lines, the blending, the colors used; all that meticulous detail keeps my mind focused and keeps me from feeling overwhelmed with life.  It has been very good for me I think.
          The boys have been so happy and just playing and having fun.  I have really seen them come together and act like brothers.  They have their squabbles just like any kids do, but they also play well together and have fun. Michael will be going to school this year so I have tried looking into getting that taken care of and also helping the boys with reading and learning time. They are doing really well and I hope that they feel like they have fun and do fun things.  They do REALLY awesome things with Grandma Gwen.  So, I'll try to get some of that posted as well. That's all for now, so hopefully I'll get some pics posted soon!

January 2018

          January always feels like a time of new beginnings for me.  Each year I make New Years resolutions and some years have been great, and other years I have failed miserably in accomplishing the things I set out to do.  That doesn't mean I won't or don't still try.  Sometimes though I feel that it is hard to try.  Sometimes I just feel like things aren't going the way I hoped/wanted and I just can't anymore for a while.  Then I realize just how wrong a statement that is and I pick it up and keep trying, all the while berating myself and feeling guilty that I didn't just stay strong in the first place.
          This year has been especially hard for me.  Not even sure why.  I remember the beginning of 2017 and everyone had put these status things on social media that 2016 was the worst year possible for them.  I actually found that 2016 was a good year for my family, a good year for me.  I felt I actually accomplished a lot and that even though I failed at times I didn't beat myself up about it.  I was ready to have that kind of year again in 2017.   However, plans do not always go the way we want them to, and I have had to learn some things again, and start over in a different way in 2018 because of the things that happened to me last year.
           We started trying to get pregnant again last year.  I worked at it for several months and then decided to take a break to work on my body again.  With LOTS of work and the help of a prescription I was able to lose 15 lbs in 3 months.  It doesn't seem like much, but I'll be grateful for anything I can get at this point.  This is one of the points of hardship I dealt with.  It isn't even the most devastating thing that happened to me last year, but it's something I feel I can talk about.  I'm still not pregnant, and we haven't really tried to get pregnant again because of certain circumstances that we are dealing with first.  I just feel a little lost, and I'm trying to get some things in order that I know will help, and trying to get myself back in line with what the Savior wants me to do.  Going to church has been hard.  Dealing with 2 kids that are as active as mine are is a daunting task for someone like me.  I'm not the most patient person on the whole planet and having my children constantly making noise and making me feel exposed in the presence of God and all the people in the ward makes me feel like a horrible mother and like it isn't even worth it sometimes.  I definitely know that it IS worth it, but sometimes the thoughts get the better of me.  I have been trying harder the last few months to get them to church, and to help them to have the same type of upbringing that I had, and I know that I have been failing.  I am resolving to do better, but the guilt of the past is what is eating away at me.  I know that there are things I can do to fix this in me.  I have been trying to study more in the scriptures and the words of the prophets.  I am trying harder to have family prayer.  I am trying to have family time set aside for FHE and it is really hard when you aren't used to doing that.  One thing I can say for my boys is that they are so good to help remind me when we need to be praying, and reading scriptures and doing the things the Lord would ask of us.  They are so very good and I am so grateful that I was able to have both of them, and that they are helping me in my life and in the hardships I've been having.
          The beginning of Dec I put in at work to move to the End of Month team.  That means I am only required to work the 2 last days of the month.  I don't need to go every single day anymore.  I can let them know which days during the weeks I am available if they need me and I can always pick up more shifts if needed.  So far it has turned out alright.  Is it a little bit more strained with money?  Of course it is.  But we are still making ends meet and with tithing and offerings being paid I feel that it will be ok.  When I made the decision I was SOLID and sure about the decision.  I still am.  I know it is better for me to be with my family.  I know that it is better for my marriage as well.  There are so many blessings to come out of this.  Sometimes I don't see that and I only see the things that are hard.  So, I think I need to have a jar that I put something positive in everyday.  That way I can see all the positive things happening to me and being grateful for those instead of dwelling on things in the past that don't matter now and I can't change.  I need to keep moving forward and I hope that this helps me to be able to do that. 
          One of my New Years resolutions has been that I am going to try writing in my blog again, at least on a monthly basis and try to include a few photos and things that we are doing together as a family.  I have been trying to do more things that are educational with the boys.  Michael is learning the sounds to all the letters and he has learned to count to 20.  He also can spell his name and is trying to learn how to write it out!  We are working on going up farther from there.  He also loves to have reading time and learning time, loves puzzles and coloring with me.  I have taken up coloring again and it is a great way I've found to bond with the boys.  Ammon is learning to count, has learned his colors and shapes and is now learning his letters.  He is learning how to change his clothes himself and we will soon be getting ready to try potty-training with him again.  They also both love doing projects with Grandpa Roger. They helped him build the deck for the hot tub and they both LOVE swimming in it.  They always come home with another tool for their toolbox.  It seems they have more tools now than Matthew!  Michael even told Grandpa Roger that his dad would be ok with him having a drill!  LOL  He can't have a drill at his age, but it's cute that he feels that way.  They both are also very excited because we have booked our trip to Disneyland for this year!  It is meant to be a birthday gift and Christmas for both of them and us.  Also to kind of celebrate 10 years of being married this year in June.  I plan on making them quilts for their birthdays because they got new bunk beds for Christmas and they have bedding, but not a quilt that finishes that for them, so we are looking at doing that soon.   Ammon is really starting to come out more with his language skills and talking and he is LOVING Mickey Mouse!  We can definitely see that he is starting to like things for himself and not just because his brother does.  Sometimes they are so cute together and play so well.  Other times I swear they are single-handedly trying to start WW3.  But they are so great most of the time and they are becoming great friends.  It's a great blessing of being raised with a sibling so close in age. 
          Something else I have been trying this month is to try different and new things in the kitchen I haven't tried.  Mostly focused on baking and learning those skills.  I have tried a few things and I hope that I can get better at them.  I would love to go to school for it one day and learn all the science behind everything.  So hoping that will be in my future sometime.  I have also taken to reading a little more and coloring.  Things that I can use to keep my hands busy that help me to develop my talents and learn new ones.  Matthew also found a dance studio that has dance classes for adults on Wednesday nights, so I might look into that, depending on if it is expensive or not.  :) 
          Sorry this post is kinda disjointed and weird.  I will try to do better in the future, just wanted to make sure I could get SOMETHING posted.  Something is better than nothing.  So, here is to having a great year, and being able to do the things that are the most important in life.  Hoping for a great year!!!! :)
         

October Festivities!

     So, it has been a while since I have kept this up, and my mom just reminded me of it the other day and I thought, I have a little free time at work so I should definitely work on this.  So, here I am! 

    I will try to add pictures as well.  But, this will be just a run-down of what is going on right now in the Hemby household.  I will give an update of some things, and then go over all the things that happened in Oct. 
 
     It's funny actually because I was just checking my memories on facebook the other day and it was in Oct that I started this blog, 2 years ago.  You can tell how well it's gone for me.  Haha!  Sometimes being a wife, mother, maid, teacher, cook, etc . . . gets in the way of me doing things.  I need to work on that and be better. 

     Matthew and I just refinanced the house.  It dropped our payment a bit so that by the end of the year I can go end of month at work and be home more.  I would only be working around the end of the month, and I can always pick up shifts if we are in need of more money.  We are also hoping to have our debt paid off by the beginning of next year.  It seems to be going well right now, and we are just happy that the Lord has given us such a great blessing that we are able to put a lot towards that and make that goal a reality.  I definitely wish that it was sooner than this, but hopefully this teaches our boys to be good with their money and not go into debt if they don't have to.  Lots of things to look forward to seeing happen. 

     Something I have been working on is losing some weight and getting my health in order.  However, the more steps I take to make that happen, the worse my health seems to get on a day to day basis.  The whole reason I am doing this is because I know that there is another little spirit needing to come to our home.  We tried for several months and then I decided to take a break, see if I could lose some weight and get my hormones back in order so that it will work a little better when we start trying again the beginning of next year.  To date I have lost 15 lbs!  It may not seem like much, and it took me 2 whole months to lose it, but I am happy that I am seeing any progress at all.  It is really hard for me to lose weight because of some of the medical issues that I am facing, but I found something that works.  The only problem is that I am sick every day.  I seem to get migraines twice as often and it makes it hard to keep on my schedule and routine with my kids.  But, despite it all I keep going.  I can just hear my Mom and Grandmother chirping in my ear.  "Just because you don't feel good doesn't mean the world stops turning.  Sometimes it helps to just get up and do something, and then you feel a little bit better."  They're right of course.  I don't think that it is right for everyone, but I definitely think that it is something that helps me.  I have a certain routine that I do everyday, and even if I don't get the WHOLE house cleaned in one day I am happy to have gotten the things done on my list.  I set a list of things to get done everyday and then even if I don't feel good I know that I accomplished something that day.  I even get a lot of help from my boys who actually fight over who gets to help me now.  Now, not to say I'm perfect, because I'm far from that.  I have days that I absolutely don't care about anything except convalescing on the couch and making sure the boys are fed, happy, and staying out of trouble.  And I can now except those days will happen and it's ok.  They happen a little less though because of my list and because I have this really weird habit of not liking to sit in a room that is messy or dirty.  So, sometimes even on the bad days I try to clean something because then  I feel that I can be in the room and be ok.  Weird, and completely OCD, but I guess we all have our trials to live with.  A friend once said that everyone has a certain thing that NEEDS to be done in their house to feel ok with life.  In her house it is having the dishes stacked up.  If that is at least done she is ok.  I feel like that is me, but there is something in each room or else I have a hard time.  I have tried hard to let things go sometimes because really, there are things more important.  Like the time I get with my kids.  Or going out to do something just to get out of the house.  It's been getting better, even if I feel sick everyday. 

     October was a fun month.  My boys were SO excited for Halloween!  Michael decided he wanted to be Spiderman.  Ammon's favorite movie is The Boss Baby, so he wanted to be the Boss Baby for Halloween.  Matthew and I dressed up as characters from Dryat, Matthew's world that he's created.  He actually runs an RPG (Role Playing Game) at the local game store and people are REALLY liking it.  He is actually writing a players handbook for how his game is played (since it is a little different from D&D, WAY more choices) and he is wanting to see about getting it finished, published and then getting it out there for whoever wants to learn it.  We have been beta-testing it with our friends, Jeremiah and Alyna so we can work out any kinks or things that come up he may need to add to the players handbook.  So, we have that going on and it is great!  It is also really fun.  I never, EVER thought that I would like doing that kind of thing, but it is one of my favorite things to do now. 
     Anyhow, we also had Convention at Nu Skin, the company we work for.  Matthew was gone for the whole week for between 12 and 16 hours a day.  The boys stayed at Grandma Gwen's that week while we were working.  I just worked my normal shift from 5-9:30pm, but the boys needed to be up at Grandma's since Matthew didn't get home on those days until Midnight or 1am.  It was a rough week, but we made it through and it helped us out a lot. 
     We also were up in Brigham for a fair share of weekends.  We went up because Ashley and Christopher are having a baby!  So, we went to the baby shower.  It was a lot of fun, and it was a great time to spend with family.  The boys had a blast with all their cousins! 
     We also had something sad happen.  My cousin Wyatt passed away unexpectedly in Sept, so we ended up going to the funeral.  So, the last month was quite eventful.  Wyatt was such a fun guy.  He always wanted to make people laugh and had so many inside jokes with everyone.  He always was there to help and was always doing for others.  He will definitely be missed.  Such a great guy.  Heaven definitely got a great new addition, and it appears that he was desperately needed. 

     We are looking forward to what life has to bring us in the next few months and over the holiday season.  It will be really great to have that feeling of gratitude and seeing people try to be a little better.  I only hope that I can be the example of that to my kids everyday.  So excited to try!