I have been a little out of sorts lately. I feel more in the holiday spirit than I have in a long time, and yet I get so depressed sometimes. I couldn't even tell you the reason why. Maybe I think about things a little too much, and that makes me sad. But whatever it is, I know that God is there, and He knows what I'm going through. I know He feels my pain, and wants to pick me up and love me anyway. I was just reminded, by a complete stranger, that God is at the forefront of everything in my life, and I should try to pass that on a little more to other people.
I spoke to a woman on the phone at work tonight. She is from FL, and she was wondering about her order and if it went out this month yet. The shipping date shows the 23rd, but it processed today, and it didn't go through. She told me about how she has been struggling, and that she lost a house, had to move, hasn't had a job since March, and is trying to find a job now but hasn't been able to find one because people won't hire people her age. They want the college students. But something she said hit me so hard and right between the eyes. She asked if I believe in God, and that He helps us. I told her I do, and He does. She asked, does that mean that He always answers our prayers and helps us the way that we want, right when we want. I replied no, and she asked, then what does He do? I replied that He still will carry us through the storm, and give us peace in adversity. She said yes, He gives us strength to pick ourselves us and brush ourselves off, and continue on our path, always trying to take the high road so that we will be worthy to live with Him again.
Now, to preface this, I had a rough day at home before coming to work. The kids were doing EVERYTHING possible to undo all the work I was putting in to get things cleaned and organized so we are ready for the weekend. They were pulling out movies and throwing around the disks, took all the cushions off the couch and drug them all over the floor. They jumped on all the beds and kept pulling things out of my nightstand. Ammon kept playing in the toilets while I was trying to get them clean. It didn't matter what was happening, or how I dealt with it, it was just what it was. And I shut down. I couldn't try to deal with all of that and keep my cool. I just wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out. Ammon kept hitting me, and screaming at the top of his lungs at me. I just wasn't winning today.
But God, truly, works in mysterious ways. I think I needed to talk to that lady today. I think I needed to hear that God is there, and that He loves us, and that what we go through is but a small moment, and if we endure it well, we will be rewarded on high. She truly had the spirit of Christmas within her, and she told me that because I listened to her and tried to let her know about how sorry I was about everything and help her that I was a Christmas Angel for her. Well, my friend, you did that for me. I needed this.
Christmas is a time when we feel the love of Christ everywhere. It is a time that people try a little harder to be a little nicer. It's a time when we can forget ourselves and our imperfections and put ourselves out there to help another. I started reading the book, "Jacob T Marely" again, and it is amazing that he went through all he did, and then because he felt bad on the other side he fought to give Scrooge another chance, to escape his fate, and with that he was alright. He felt he could do that bit of good, since he hadn't helped anyone else in his life. But he received redemption in the end as well, and was given his reward on high. I hope that I can always remember this, and that when I feel like I'm not trying hard enough, or my best isn't good enough, or that I am the most horrible person alive that redemption is there for all, if we would but reach out and accept it. After all, that is the reason for the season, to celebrate the life and ministry of Jesus Christ.
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